National Stationery Show begins!

Posted on Monday, May 18, 2009, at 8:33 am, by Alethea Oglethorpe.

The boys in marketing issued the following news release yesterday, despite my objection that it consists chiefly of lies.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

Company’s Tradeshow Debut Causes Chaos.

Widespread rioting expected. Officials call for panic.

New York, May 17. Public disorder marred the opening of the National Stationery Show at the Jacob Javits Convention Center this morning, provoked by the booth display of Archelaus, an upstart greeting card company from Washington, DC. “Such products shouldn’t be allowed,” shouted one attendee, as she pummeled the company’s sales representative with her handbag. “Greeting cards should be wholesome and uplifting,” declared another, “not subversive and disgusting. They should have puppies and kittens on them, not mongooses and Tibetan demons.” Security personnel had difficulty quelling the angry crowd. “Frankly, I can see why these people are upset,” one officer stated. “Why, I even saw cards making fun of the economic crisis.”

An Archelaus spokesperson was unapologetic and rude. He refused to give his name, claiming it was for his own safety. “My wife thinks I’m in Nebraska,” he explained.

A spokesperson for the National Stationery Show was more cooperative, pointing out that only the Show’s strict adherence to all New York City fire-safety regulations had prevented the howling mob from setting the Archelaus booth ablaze.

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