Ruination & Despair

“[T]he nobility both of England and Scotland [are] inferior to brute beasts, for they do that to women which no male among the common sort of beasts can be proved to do to their female: that is, they reverence them, and quake at their presence; they obey their commandments, and that against God. Wherefore I judge them not only subjects to women, but slaves of Satan, and servants of iniquity.”

  —  John Knox, The First Blast of the Trumpet against the Monstrous Regiment of Women (1558).

Our crack sales-team wishes me to inform the world, and thereby Management, specifically Alethea, that it has achieved a famous victory in the form of a new account with The Annapolis Bookstore, resulting in the delivery today of a substantial order of our fine cards to that location.

The team wishes me to state further that said bookstore, which features used, new, and rare books, as well as a small café, is the sort of place that might reasonably be expected to attract potential Archelaus customers and similar riff-raff.

Finally, the team advises firmly that there is no plausible justification for contemplating its replacement with department-store mannequins, crash-test dummies, or other sundry inanimate objects, particularly when greater cost savings could be achieved by applying such a personnel strategy to Management instead.

This afternoon we shipped a selection of our fine cards to Gryphon Studio, an ecclectic boutique in Melrose, north of Boston. The order simply came in over the transom, thus providing a useful reminder to the members of our crack sales team that they had better get out there and start bringing in orders of their own if they don’t want to be replaced with department-store mannequins, or perhaps a used crash-test dummy or two.

As you may already have noted here (assuming you were paying attention), we shipped an initial order of fine cards to The Montague Bookmill on May 28. According to the post office, that order arrived May 31. Yesterday, just eight days later, the Bookmill’s buyer called, clamoring for more cards, “because the first order I got from you almost literally blew out the door, with many different people!” Apparently, these discerning customers had been buying multiple cards, whether they knew what they were going to do with them or not, “just to have them.” As the Bookmill’s buyer confided, she had been certain the cards would do well, “but not that well!”

Given our base of operations here in Washington, DC, I’ll admit we’ve been a bit slow to build a network of retailers in the neighboring Commonwealth of Virginia. Happily, this morning we did ship a first order of fine notecards to Diversions Cards & Gifts, an independent card shop of long standing in the Fairlington Shopping Center in Alexandria.

We regret to inform our readers that The Waygoose in Rockville has shuffled off this mortal coil. Fortunately, you can still purchase our fine cards at Waygoose Redux in Bethesda.

This time it’s The Montague Bookmill, a used bookstore in the wilds of western Massachusetts, housed in a gristmill built in 1842. Even if Salon had not named the Bookmill one of the “world’s most inspiring bookstores,” we would still have been interested in it as a possible venue for our fine cards, but the slogan, “Books you don’t need in a place you can’t find,” convinced us we needed to make getting this account a priority.

I’m not quite sure what to say about our latest card. I suppose it’s what we get for letting Cadwalader fool around with Photoshop.

If you expect cards to make a lick of sense, I don’t imagine this one will be for you, but Cadwalader assures me that making sense is overrated.

For those of you who don’t follow these things, The Land that Time Forgot (1918) was an adventure novel by Edgar Rice Burroughs that was later made into a movie (1975) complete with unconvincing rubber dinosaur puppets.

This one has actually been out for awhile, but I’ve just been too neglectful to get it posted here for you. Bad Cadwalader!

So far this card has been very successful at Eastern Market, vying for the top spot among our blank notecards.

The illustration is by Gustave Doré (1832-83), whose oeuvre we have already happily pillaged for our successful Fatherhood and Happiness cards.

Needless to say, we hope you like it.

This morning we shipped an initial order of fine cards to ZIG ZAG Gallery in Centerville, south of Dayton. ZIG ZAG specializes in small-studio American crafts, including jewelry, pottery, clothing, accessories, and all manner of whatnot. Assuming it is even remotely feasible for you to get there, we encourage you to descend upon them with wallets open!

As some of you already know, we have released our catalog for 2011. Wholesale buyers are encouraged to request a copy!

This morning we shipped a first order of fine cards to Chameleon, an art gallery and store in the charming tourist haven and former abolitionist stronghold of Newburyport, Massachusetts. Reportedly the owners discovered us when a customer returned from visiting Washington, D.C., excitedly clutching one of our inimitable “Swine fever” valentines!