Ruination & Despair

The day before yesterday we shipped a first order of fine cards to Sweet Sailing, a purveyor of fine candies in Bayfield, Wisconsin. For those of you who may not be intimately familiar with the extreme northern reaches of the Dairy State, Bayfield is a small town and tourist destination located on the shore of Lake Superior, across from the Apostle Islands.

N.B. Customer Service Minion #2 was supposed to blog about this exciting new development on Wednesday but failed to do so. Trust me when I tell you that I have disciplined him appropriately for his lapse.

Archelaus returns to Riverdale Park, Maryland, tomorrow (April 22, 2010) to kick off a new season of farmers markets there. Our flunkey will begin, however, at a special Earth Day market at the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s Animal and Plant Health Inspection Service (APHIS) facility, located at Rivertech Court and River Road, from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m., and then proceed to the usual farmers market location at Rhode Island Avenue and Queensbury Road from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. We hope you’ll stop by and say hello.

Archelaus is delighted to announce that its notorious Egyptian mongoose checkbox card has been declared among the finalists for a LOUIE award in the category “Special Occasion — Everyday,” subcategory “$3.50 and below.”

Named for Louis Prang (1824-1909), the German-American printer who is credited with introducing color lithography to the fledgling U.S. card market in 1861, the LOUIEs are the greeting card industry’s highest honor, or so they tell us.

An anonymous Archelaus spokesperson, reached for comment during dinner, issued the following statement: “Pleased? Of course we’re bloody pleased! What are you, stupid or something? Pass the mustard.”

The actual winners of the competition will be announced on Monday, May 17, 2010, during the National Stationery Show.

Update: read our belated press release.

On 1 April 2010, the Main Event, a party supply store in Mount Airy, is moving from its former digs on South Main Street to the exalted Twin Arch Shopping Center, where it is taking over premises formerly occupied by Carousel Cards and Gifts. In what we consider a shrewd move, the owners have decided to cater to the established habits of Carousel’s loyal customers by selling cards and gifts in the new location, while also, of course, continuing to provide party supplies to their own fanatical customer base. In what we consider an even shrewder move, the owners have declined to stock merchandise from the likes of Hallmark and American Greetings, in favor of cards from smaller, more interesting manufacturers. Finally, in what we consider the shrewdest move of all, they have opted to carry a solid supply of Archelaus cards!

We therefore encourage everyone within driving distance to descend upon Mount Airy on this auspicious occasion (and afterwards) to purchase Egyptian mongooses, Peruvian llamas, misbegotten sea creatures, and other popular favorites!

This morning we shipped an order to Paperwork, a fine stationery store on Milwaukee’s East Side. We hope they will do well there.

The Community Pharmacy in Madison, Wisconsin, has taken the plunge and ordered Archelaus cards, which we obligingly shipped this morning. The pharmacy is a workers’ cooperative, established in 1972, when such things were in vogue. This fact no doubt explains their commitment to such subversive concepts as good health, a humane workplace, and a clean environment. Obviously a hotbed of dangerous radicalism!

This morning we shipped an assortment of fine cards to Accipiter, a gallery for “lighting, crafts, and fun,” at the Cameron Village Shopping Center in Raleigh, North Carolina. Any store named for a genus of birds of prey that includes various species of goshawks and sparrowhawks is likely to be a good outlet for our cards, so we are, obviously, very pleased and excited.

This morning we dispatched another shipment of our fine cards to the great state of Wisconsin, this time to the Spring Green General Store, a large former cheese warehouse that now purveys “excellent coffees, exciting home-style ethnic cooking, micro brews, natural & gourmet groceries and an original selection of jewelry, cards, clothing, house wares, toys, vitamins, and natural cosmetics” to an astonished populace. Located about 35 miles west of Madison, the town of Spring Green is perhaps best known for its proximity to Frank Lloyd Wright’s Taliesin Estate, but it is also home to the American Players Theatre, which perpetrates a major outdoor Shakespeare festival every summer.

Should you happen to be in the area, by all means take the opportunity to stock up on your favorite cards.

On Saturday, December 12, 2009, Archelaus will be attending the Riverdale Park Holiday Market in Prince George’s County, Maryland. This will be the third year we will be selling our cards at this enjoyable event, and we highly recommend it to our customers (and prospective customers) in the area.

Today we dispatched a flunky with an order of fine cards to Distinctive Lifestyle, the Washington retail outlet of Distinctive Bookbinding. Founded in 1964, this fine firm does custom bookbinding, restoration, and related leatherwork. We are proud to have our products on display at their store, which is located near Dupont Circle at S Street and 18th.

The title just about covers it, really. In addition to Visa and MasterCard, we are now accepting American Express and Discover — because giving our customers more ways to drive themselves to the poorhouse is just good business!

Those of you in the Washington area will, I am certain, be eager to learn that we are sending a flunky to sell our fine cards at the Second Annual Holiday Bazaar of the Sewall-Belmont House & Museum on the corner of Constitution Avenue and 2nd Street, NE, this Thursday, December 3, 2009, from 4:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. We encourage you to seize this golden opportunity to do your holiday shopping in an attractive historic setting! Additional inducements reportedly include music, free gift wrap, seasonal refreshments, and wine tasting. Admission is free to members of the Museum or the U.S. Capitol Historical Society, and a mere $5.00 to common riff-raff like the rest of us.

The Sewall-Belmont House & Museum is a pleasant stroll from the metro stops at either Union Station or Capitol South. It is located within the security perimeter of the U.S. Capitol, so attendees are requested to leave any dangerous weapons at home.