General Staff Communique No. 1
Posted on Saturday, June 20, 2009, at 12:24 pm, by Customer Service Minion #2.
Archelaus forces are advancing victoriously to the east along Highway 70 toward Beaufort, North Carolina, approximately four miles from their beachhead in Morehead City. The fine ceramics store Tierra Fina on Turner Street will undergo temporary military occupation and begin selling Archelaus cards as soon as they arrive, probably on Monday or Tuesday.
Simultaneously, in a dramatic airborne operation miles inland, Archelaus has taken up a strong position outside Durham, North Carolina, and is about to enter the city in force. Heavy casualties are expected, as Archelaus thrusts to within blocks of Duke University’s East Campus to establish a command post at Morgan Imports, a local retailer celebrating its fortieth anniversary this year.
On the Wisconsin front, Archelaus has launched a two-pronged assault in the Milwaukee area. The first prong is expected to storm Beans & Barley, a deli, market, and café on Milwaukee’s East Side, by Tuesday. The second is descending inexorably upon the quiet village of Wauwatosa, to the west of the city, where advance troops have just released several civilian hostages after securing a promise that Little Read Book, an independent bookseller, will begin carrying Archelaus cards.
